Drawing with Ballpoint Pen and Faber Castel Polychromus FEB - MAY 2018 Schwarzmalen (German) (v) to naysay, to catastrophise In November 2017 I’ve started to prepare my final project for my degree, collected the pieces, formed them the way I wanted them, photographed and edited. My general progress. I experimented with paper and did everything in order to start in March 2018. However, in February a well-known artist announced to do precisely the same project. I knew I couldn’t go through with it even after all this time and work because I wasn’t able to compete with someone who has 300k+ followers. I was crushed, I slipped into a hole of negativity and darkness questioning not only my project but my work and myself as an artist. For me, the glass was more than half empty I was caught up in my head in this negativity. I found no words for how I felt, didn’t know how to describe to my friends what I was going through. My words got lost in translation. Some might know that I’m from Germany, and there is a word to describe my feelings, but the expression wasn’t existing in English: ‘SCHWARZMALEN’. When I tried to explain it, I went for the most literal translation ‘drawing black’, but no one really understood. I asked myself: why not draw it? So I started to paint the objects from my original project black, embracing the negativity, the pessimistic and depressing thoughts that SCHWARZMALEN described. I drew black for over a month now, and it was the most creative, emotional and personal project I’ve made to this point.
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