This piece directly responds to the effects of the lockdown in London and the corresponding feelings of universal lust felt by everyone at the time. Where I was missing the feeling of touch, I decided to try and mimic what I was pining for: kissing. The lockdown has also forced a lot of my generation back to their bedrooms, facing the same existence that we had growing up as lonely teenagers with the internet, practising kissing the back of our hands and the mirror. Being in the city for this time meant that I was using my one walk a day to climb Telegraph Hill or Burgess Park to watch the sunset in attempt to reconnect with the outside world. Similar to the night sky, a sunset also evokes a universal set of emotions when watching it. The closure of another day can make you feel like you’re wasting away, a simple recognition of your own mortality where one day you will see your final sunset. You have to resist the urge to reach out across the horizon to catch that last slice of golden light, similar to the way that during this pandemic you have to resist the urge to reach out and touch the people you are near. Watching a sunset is traditionally also seen as quite romantic, which is a kick in the teeth when you are forced to watch it alone, and your plans for a long hot summer/hot girl summer are cancelled. However, the warmth of the sunlight mimics the touch that we are craving, in the same way that kissing yourself in the mirror mimics the same sense of satisfaction as kissing someone else.

fever dream (2020)

lust and longing in lockdown

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